Who left you hanging on that peg all alone?
You look near mint to me babe and I wanna make you my own
I wanna be your captain, my Pon Farr is a-risin'
So step on over here girl, my love is enterprisin'

Let me be your conventional lover
Let me show you some conventional love
I don't mean to boast, I don't mean to brag (ooh love long and prosper)
But I'm a man whose only issues all come in mylar bags

Let me be your conventional lover
Let me give you my conventional love
I'll give you my heart, I'll treat you nice (ooh love long and prosper)
And the games that I play only have twenty-sided dice

They're polyhedral!

Let's hit the dealer's room and get you something fine
That collectors bust of Cthulhu reminds me of how you blow my mind
Now let me take you dancing in my best Starfleet dress uniform
You'll want to tap my mana once you've seen me perform

Let me be your conventional lover
Let me show you some conventional love
I don't mean to boast, I don't mean to brag (ooh love long and prosper)
But I'm a man whose only issues all come in mylar bags

Let me be your conventional lover
Let me give you my conventional love
I'll give you my heart, I'll treat you nice (ooh love long and prosper)
And the games that I play only have twenty-sided dice

Uh oh
Saving throw!

And when we get to mating, I'll always treat you kind
I'll never bend you too far back or ever crease your spine
But there's one thing I won't promise, there's one thing I won't do
Can't leave you in the box babe, this collector is coming through

Let me be your conventional lover
Let me show you some conventional love
I don't mean to boast, I don't mean to brag (ooh love long and prosper)
But I'm a man whose only issues all come in mylar bags

Let me be your conventional lover
Let me give you my conventional love
I'll give you my heart, I'll treat you nice (ooh love long and prosper)
And the games that I play only have twenty-sided dice

Let me be your conventional lover
Let me give you my conventional love
I'll give you my heart, I'll treat you fine
And I'll make sweet love to you while we're watching Deep Space Nine